Cold Love
by Aduviri
Summary: Ishida Uryuu has been involved with Ichigo Kurosaki for a while now, but has never really felt any genuine love from Ichigo. What will happen when he shows up at Ichigo's front door? CONTAINS YAOI AND ADULT CONTENT. IchigoxUryuu. Lemon.
1. Pushing

**Warning:** Contains Yaoi and Adult Content.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach, Ichigo Kurosaki, or Ishida Uryuu. I own nothing.

**Note:** This is NOT a PWP. This one will actually have a plot for a change! More chapters to come. _Italics _Uryuu's thoughts

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_If it's truly love, then why is it that Ichigo can never look into my eyes?_

Ishida Uryuu stood outside the house in the rain. He'd been there for almost twenty minutes, afraid of what would happen when he entered. His black hair was plastered to his face as the downpour continued, but he was still unsure if he wanted to go inside, wanted to hear what he had coming. Finally making up his mind, Uryuu turned to leave, but as he took his first few steps the door opened behind him, sending a streak of light cascading across the dark road around the Quincy. He stopped in mid step, waiting.

"And just what are you doing here? How long have you been out here? You're drenched." The orange-haired teen leaned against the door frame, his arms folded. There was a small smirk of amusement across his face, but his eyes showed nothing as he waited for a response. When none came, however, he pushed himself up and opened the door wider, moving aside. "Well, come in out of the rain then." Ishida turned and complied, keeping his head down and not saying a word as the door was shut behind him. Ichigo went to the linen cabnet and grabbed a towel, throwing it at Uryuu as he took off his shoes.

"Ichigo I..." Ishida dropped his eyes, not knowing what to say to explain why he'd been standing outside the shinigami's house in the rain for so long. He ran the towel over his drenched hair and removed his glasses for a moment to dry them off. Ichigo looked at him with his head turned slightly sideways, and yet his eyes still showed no emotion- no sympathy for the Quincy. After a few moments he sighed and started up the stairs, gesturing for Uryuu to follow him.

"Come on up with me, I'll listen to what you have to say... I guess." He continued walking, and Ishida gingerly followed, thinking through what he would say. He didn't want to stay long, he just wanted to get it out and leave. He wanted his inner torture to end, and it had to end with Ichigo. They stepped into the shinigami's bedroom, which suprised Ishida by being unusually empty, there was a small desk and a bed, and a closet door on the right wall. There was a single window with it's shades drawn, and another door that led to a bathroom, Uryuu assumed. Other than these features the walls were white and blank, the floor made of the same hard wood as the rest of the house. Ichigo moved to the desk and sat down, crossing his legs in the chair. "So..." He gestured to the bed, and Uryuu sat down silently. "What do you want." Ichigo said this with a distant air, gazing off at the wall behind Ishida, not looking him in the eyes and appearing unconcerned with the matters of the Quincy.

Ishida paused, not knowing what to say. He just wanted Ichigo to be honest with him, was that too much to ask? He ran a pale hand through his black hair, his glasses catching the light so they appeared white. "Ichigo... I just... I just want you to..." He looked up, frustrated that Ichigo would still not connect their eyes. "... I just want you to look at me!" He said this with a note of desperation, and the shinigami's eyes flashed down to look at Ishida, though he still appeared to not see him, as if he were invisible.

"I'm looking at you. Are you happy? Now, I'll ask one more time. What do you- "

"Ichigo, I want you to be honest with me," Uryuu cut the red-head off, and continued in his slightly desperate tone, "I love you. Do you feel the same?"

- - -

"Shit, that's why you stood in front of my house in the rain for half an hour?" Ichigo ran a hand through his orange strands, sighing away his frustration. Ishida lowered his head in shame, feeling worse than he had in the dark. Ichigo stood and lifted the Quincy's chin, silently looking into his dark eyes. Uryuu stared back into the shinigami's chestnut eyes, searching for any sign of affection in them, but found none. It was again one of those looks that made him feel like Ichigo could see through him, like he wasn't there. But before he could dwell on these thoughts, their lips had connected, and Ishida pushed away all doubts as he felt Ichigo's tongue penetrate his mouth. He wrapped his arms around the red-head's neck as he was gently pushed back onto the bed.

They separated, Ichigo withdrawing his tongue from the Quincy's mouth. He began kissing a line down Ishida's long slender neck as he moved one of his hands up the other boy's shirt. Uryuu turned his head and stared at the closet door, moaning ever so slightly as his shirt was removed in the usual fashion. _Ichigo... _The shinigami moved down the Quincy's chest, taking one of his pert nipples into his mouth and moving his tongue around it expertly. This generated more moans from Ishida's throat as he closed his eyes, running his hands through Ichigo's soft locks. The red-head reached the pale teen's navel and moved his tongue around it, then enclosed his lips around it and sucked, producing an unusually loud "Uuhn" from Ishida. He proceeded to unbuckle the Quincy's belt, then grabbed the wrists of the hands running through his hair, pinning them to the bed as he ran his tongue up the pale teen's errection.

Uryuu closed his eyes tightly as he moaned even louder while the shinigami brushed the sensitive tip of his errection against his lips, digging his blunt nails into Ishida's wrists. _...Ichigo... _He gasped as his errection was enveloped inside the other teen's warm mouth. The red-head moved his tongue down the Quincy's entire length then back up, generating a small shiver throughout Uryuu's body. Ichigo began to bob his head, and Ishida clenched onto the sheets of the bed below him, unable to move his hands. He moaned and moved ran his feet up and down the bed in a slow movement, concentrating hard not to buck his hips. He clenched his eyes shut tightly as Ichigo sucked and pulled harder, encouraging the Quincy to release. _...ICHIGO..._

Two fingers were shoved into Ishida's mouth, and he responded by moving his tongue around them, fighting not to bite down from the desire and pleasure running rampant through his entire body. Unable to sustain any longer, he came inside the other boy's mouth, feeling a rush of relief. His fists unclenched for a moment as the two fingers were pulled out of his mouth and his lips connected once again to the other teen's. Ichigo ran his tongue deep into Uryuu's mouth, and the Quincy could taste the bitter seed that the other had just swollowed. His free hand ran to clutch onto Ichigo's back as he prepared to be entered. He wrapped his legs around the shinigami's waist, feeling the other teen's hard errection rubbing against his own. Their lips came apart again and Ichigo bent his head, finding the other boy's entrance with one of his fingers. Ishida bit his bottom lip as the finger was pushed inside of him, penetrating him once more. Soon after a second was inserted, and Uryuu felt his lip split as he bit down harder, stifling a gasp.

The two fingers now inside of his passage moved around, stretching the tight entrance. Ichigo pressed his forhead against the pale teen's as he withdrew his fingers and rubbed his errection against Uryuu's entrance. "Do you trust me?.." He whispered, their noses barely millimeters apart. Without waiting for a response he pushed in, connecting their lips again as he continued to slowly, agonizingly, move forward, all the way, until his entire length was deep inside the Quincy. Ichigo could taste the blood from the other teen's bleeding lip as he kissed Ishida deep, muting the long moan coming from the back of the other boy's throat. _...Ichigo I... _Tears began to form in the pale teen's eyes as he waited for Ichigo to move, clutching the sheets so hard that his knuckles turned white. He opened his eyes and found Ichigo staring directly down at him, his palms pressed against the bedding on either side of the Quincy's head.

"I asked you if you trusted me." Ichigo stared directly into Ishida's eyes, and for the first time that night Uryuu knew he was actually looking at him. His body tensed up at still having the other's entire length enclosed inside his passage.

"Ichigo I... ah... I... uhn... Of course I do but... aauhn... Please Ichigo, move!" The Quincy's body tensed up and quivered at these last words, he couldn't take the tension inside his body another moment. He dug his pale fingers into the other teen's muscled shoulder blades as Ichigo began to withdraw in the same slow fashion, causing Ishida to moan from a mixture of pain and pleasure. The red-head proceeded to thrust into Uryuu, slowly at first but, unable to contain himself, he began to gather speed. He grasped the pale teen by his slender waist as he went deeper with each thrust, hitting the prostate and sending Uryuu's head back with a gasp. The legs around Ichigo's waist tightened as the shinigami pushed Ishida up against the headboard of the bed and continued to push into the Quincy's heat.

Ichigo grunted as he came inside the pale teen, feeling the hot release of his seed inside the other. Uryuu uttered a gasp mixed with an "Aaaauhn" before the red-head connected their lips again and road out his orgasm, both were breathing heavily and a thin layer of persperation covered Ishida's body. Ichigo finally pulled out of the Quincy and layed back on the bed, breathing heavily with his arm pressed against his forhead. Uryuu nudged his way down beside the teen and layed a pale arm across the other's chest as he began to nod off. After a few moments, however, Ichigo stood and wrapped a towel around his waist. He paused as he closed the bedroom door behind him, not looking at Uryuu.

"You can get cleaned up and leave. Goodnight Uryuu."

Ishida sat up, but Ichigo had already left the room. The pale boy grunted a little at the pain and throbbing he felt, Ichigo had been rough with him tonight, and now he was gone. Uryuu dropped his forhead into his palms and fought the tears that wanted to come up, again Ichigo had used him and left.

_Is this all I mean to him?_

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	2. The Turn

**Warning**: Contains Yaoi

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach, Ichigo Kurosaki, Ishida Uryuu, or Orihime. I own nothing.

**Notes**: Second chapter!

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_Is this all I mean to him?_

Uryuu sat on Ichigo's bed for what seemed like hours, until finally he heard footsteps coming up the stairs down the hall. He hoped, against all of what he knew, that the other teen was coming back to him, to spend the night and tell him how much Ishida meant to him. However, all of the Quincy's hopeful thoughts were crushed with the look he recieved from the shinigami as he stepped into the room, stopping in the doorway. Uryuu looked up at the red-head imploringly, hoping for any tiny bit of affection he could get from Ichigo, but when the brown eyes met his own, Ishida felt as though he were a bug on the bottom of Ichigo's shoe.

"Why are you still here? Leave. I don't want you here anymore."

Ichigo moved about the room for a moment and picked the Quincy's clothes apart from his own and threw them at Ishida, then stood by the door with his arms folded. Uryuu stared at the shirt in his lap for a moment before looking up at the red-head with a mixture of pain and anger.

"Ichigo...-"

" -What."

"...Didn't that... all this..." The pale teen dropped his gaze as he fought back his emotions. "... Didn't that mean anything to you?! Don't **I** mean anything?! At all?" His eyes flashed up with a stab of hope, but Ichigo simply stared down at him over his crossed arms with a cold and empty gaze.

"No. I don't like you, and I don't want you in my house. Now leave."

- - - - - - -

Ishida scribbled out what he'd just written. He couldn't concentrate, but he needed to finish his assignment before the end of the lunch period, which was drawing close. Giving up, he flung the pad of paper and pencil he'd been using to the ground and leaned back against the cool wall behind him, staring up at the cloudy autum sky. He couldn't concentrate, and he wasn't hungry, though he never ate lunch anyways. Uryuu took in a deep breath as he forced out the previous night's events and stretched out his long, slender legs. The Quincy closed his eyes, letting his mind drift off to where it always seemed to go these days.. to Ichigo.

_'I don't like you... I don't want you here...' But why? What did I do? Why does he suddenly hate me? I don't understand. I just don't get it..._

Uryuu was brought back to the cloudy afternoon by a near-by shriek of delight. Craning his neck around, Ishida saw Orihime hugging Ichigo affectionately, and he was hugging her back. After a few moments they broke apart and Orihime ran off to join a group of girls, while Ichigo retreated back to a small cluster of shadey trees. Looking around, his gaze fell upon Uryuu, who was unintentionally staring at him, and he disappeared into thicket of trees and shrubery behind him.

Ishida panicked, thinking he'd done something wrong again, he stood and ran into the trees where Ichigo had just vanished. He followed the other teen into the woods, intent upon getting some answers.

"Ichigo! Ichigo wait!"

The Quincy tripped on an outlying root and fell to the ground, gasping for air as the wind was knocked out of him. He struggled to get to his feet as he supported himself by leaning against the tree that had just tripped him.

"You just don't know when to give up, do you?" Ichigo was leaning against another tree in front of Ishida, with his arms folded and a smirk across his face. "I already told you, I don't want to talk to you." The shinigami pushed himself off the tree and began to walk away from the pale teen. Out of pure desperation Uryuu reached up and grabbed the red-head by the neck and kissed him, their tongues entwining for what seemed like forever to Ishida, who had moved his arms to fasten them around the other's torso. Finally they broke apart and Uryuu leaned his head against Ichigo's chest, breathing a little heavily as he tried to plead with him.

"Ichigo, please, please listen to me-"

"What are you thinking?!" Ichigo pushed the Quincy away from his body, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. He cast Uryuu a dark look full of loathing and disgust. "I don't know what you think is going on, but I can assure you-"

"But.. But what about what we did, what about what we have?! Can you honestly tell me you just felt nothing?! And what about last night? What we did-"

"We don't **have** anything! And last night... Last night was a mistake! I wasn't thinking right and you were.. you were just there and... I DON'T LIKE YOU!" Ichigo pushed Uryuu aside as he made to get away, which sent the pale boy against a tree and down to the ground once more, where he sat on his knees, his palms clenched. A single tear shattered on his white knuckles as Ichigo stormed away.

"But... but you... I..." Ichigo stopped in his tracks and listened, a stab of guilt striking him in the heart. Uryuu grabbed a handful of his own black hair as he began to yell, "...IS THAT ALL YOU DO ICHIGO?! IS THAT ALL I AM TO YOU?! A LITTLE FLING, SOMETHING DISPOSABLE?! YOU JUST USE ME AND - AND - AND THROW ME AWAY?!" At not being able to handle any more, the Quincy pressed his forhead against his knees and sobbed silently for the first time since his grandfather's death. Ichigo didn't turn around, but he lowered his head in shame of causing the other boy's misery.

"I've asked out Orihime. She's my girlfriend, I'm not gay, I don't like you."

Uryuu stopped sobbing instantly as Ichigo began to walk away. He raised his head slowly and saw the orange hair bobbing away, and uttered the last words he would speak to the bastard.

"I hate you, Ichigo Kurosaki."

_I hate you._

_

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	3. Ichigo's Realization

**Warning:** Contains Yaoi and Violence/Gore

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach or any of its characters. I own nothing.

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The pencil cascaded across the desktop and hit the wall, dropping limp to the floor. Ichigo rested his forhead against the knuckles of his fist, frustrated. This homework... he couldn't do it. There were just too many things on his mind, he felt as though he would explode if he tried to concentrate any more. So there the teen sat, alone in his dimly lit bedroom, the window slightly cracked to allow a non-existant breeze to float inside. The night outside was just blooming, the horizon still dying away to blackness.

The shinigami was left to his thoughts now, concentrating hard on a spot on the dull wooden surface on which his elbow was rested. He closed his eyes and saw a pale figure, with dark hair and long, slender legs. Ichigo forced his eyes open, shooting the thought from his mind. Again a stab of guilt plagued him; for Ishida Uryuu had been missing for almost a week, and nobody had an explanation. He hadn't called in sick from school, ever. And he had told no one he was leaving. Uryuu had simply disappeared, like a stone falling to the depths of a still lake. But Ichigo couldn't help feeling bad; was Ishida's absence his fault? Had he been too harsh to him?

Ichigo cursed under his breath as he stood, again trying to push away these feelings that were attempting to break free inside of him. It was impossible. He could never love another man, not like that. Uryuu just needed some time to figure out that the relationship wasn't right... it wasn't normal. But even as Ichigo thought this another part of his mind shot down these thoughts, as if to say 'To hell with normal.' The red-head needed a distraction, and just moping around his room and sleeping wasn't enough. Every time he fell into an uneasy sleep he saw that distant pale figure once more, that silouette that symbolized something to him... but what was it?...

"Just forget it," The teen told himself aloud, running a slightly sweaty palm through his orange strands. He just needed to get out of the house, that was it. All this time to himself, it wasn't good for him, it left him to make conclusions that were completely rediculous. Grabbing his jacket, Ichigo turned off his light as he left the bedroom, descending the steps lightly. Once out in the darkening street, he took a long breath, freeing his mind of tension. After walking down a few blocks, Ichigo leaned against a brick building and gazed up at the steadily brightening stars, letting his mind wander once more.

_Could it have been his fault that he was gone? And if so... where could he be? What if Uryuu was... no._ The small white lights against the dark sky above him seemed to melt into that pale figure yet again, but Ichigo was mentally exausted, so he let his thoughts run rampant inside his mind, finally breaking down his inner walls. The slender body had its back turned to him, but a pale face was peering at him from over a boney shoulder. The rectangular glasses had caught a glare, hiding the eyes behind them, but the entire body itself seemed to radiate sadness, disappointment.

For the first time Ichigo took into appreciation how beautiful Ishida Uryuu was, with his slim, long legs and frail figure. With his porceline fair skin, against his jet black hair. Ichigo found himself wanting... no desiring the other teen with every fiber of his being, his body tensing in what could have been a shiver as he stared dumbly up at the sky. After what seemed like hours the red-head broke his gaze at the stars above him, realizing that a single tear had fallen down his cheak, leaving a thin line across his skin. His eyes fell on the window of a dark shop across the street, and the shinigami's heart seemed to skip a beat.

There he was, behind the window.

Uryuu, he was there and he was...

he was...

Crying.

Ichigo stopped in his tracks, for he had been approaching the other, wanting to embrace the pale teen, to take every bit of his slender body into his own. To apologize and to finally give in to what he truly felt inside. But the shinigami's heart froze, standing in the middle of the dimly lit street he watched the silent sobbing of the one he should have loved... the one he betrayed and pushed away. This was all his fault, it was his doing. Ichigo felt horrible.

The teen blinked, and Uryuu's figure was gone. Like smoke he had vanished, but had he ever been there? Had it all been a figment of his imagination? Ichigo made to take a step forward, but he couldn't move. The world around him seemed to have gone mute, and all he could hear was the beating of his own heart. The teen looked down. A thick red liquid was flowing freely from above his stomach, down his pants, and onto the pavement below his feet. Ichigo's eyes widened and his pupils contracted to pin-pricks in fear.

He was bleeding...

Had he been stabbed?...

What the hell had just happened?! WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO HIM?!

A sudden jerk sent Ichigo to the ground, a pressure had been released from his back, he'd barely noticed it before, but now it was gone, and he now layed sprawled against the hard ground, staring, petrified, at the blood escaping his body. But in these moments of complete and total panic, his mind seemed to calm itself entirely. Somehow he didn't find panic, nor shock or fear. In contrast, Ichigo Kurosaki was completely placid as he watched himself bleed to death.

There came a roar from behind him as the Hallow withdrew its long claw from the teen's rib cage. His lung had collapsed, he would be dead soon. Soon the monster would feed upon his spirit. Ichigo was deaf to all of this, however, as he thought he saw the slender teen in the distance again, walking toward him. A warm sensation ran throughout his body as his limbs lost colour, he was going to die. Here, in the street, alone.

_So this is death... _He smirked slightly, waiting for the Hallow to end it, his thoughts swimming freely throughout his mind now. _After all I've done... all those times I've almost... this is how I'll go... At least...I got to see..._

There was a flash of light above the teen's limp body, one last roar escaping the Hallow as it was destroyed. Ichigo opened one of his eyes a fraction of an inch, a pale face with glasses appearing before it. How he desired to connect those thin lips with his own, to embrace the other man, but he couldn't, his body wouldn't move. A thin hand pushed the red-head onto his back, working frantically to stop the bleeding, but the shinigami's eyes had become dull, losing light, losing life. Tears splashed against the surface of Ichigo's exposed chest as his breathing slackened. Some one was screaming, it was so far away, but he could hear it. It was Ishida, he was sure.

One word escaped the teen's whitening lips as the pain caught up to him and Ichigo fell unconcious.

"...U...ryuu..."

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	4. Forgiving

**Warning: **Contains Yaoi

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach or any of its characters. I own nothing.

**Please Review!**

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He awoke gradually, the weight of his body becoming apparent over the course of a few minutes. His eyes took their time to focus on his surroundings as he tried to sit up, pressing a bandaged palm against his throbbing forehead. The tension in his chest was almost unbearable, he felt as though he'd been struck by a fairly large truck.

Ichigo gazed around the room that he could now quite clearly see. Judging by the amount of light coming in through the partially covered windows, he decided it must have been close to mid-day. The bed he had been sleeping in was very comfortable in a familiar sense, but it wasn't his own. The shinigami didn't know just exactly where he was- he'd never been to this place before and yet there was something he felt he.. recognized about it. The calm grey walls and rich wooden floors gave off a sense of warmth, which was accompanied by the large amount of mismatched blankets that surrounded the teen on all sides. How had he gotten here?

A sudden shuffling noise in the corner of the room made Ichigo shift suddenly, causing him to wince at the pain shooting from his side. Pulling the robe that clothed his damaged body down slightly, his eyes met with the thick mass of bandages that covered his entire torso. They weren't professionally applied, and they weren't very tight, but they had apparently stopped his bleeding, and probably saved his life. The shinigami leaned back, attempting to relieve the pain that he now noticed rather prominently as his eyes trailed to the corner where the noise had come from. Uryuu Ishida was there, sleeping in an uncomfortable position against the wall and clenching a small, thin blanket. Ichigo felt a clench of guilt as he took in how restless and worn out Ishida appeared. It was his fault of course- he'd let his guard down like a fool and had been attacked from behind by a hallow. He should have died, and he most definitely would have if it wasn't for Uryuu. He owed the Quincy his life.

Ishida's eyes shot open as he realized that he'd fallen asleep again, but he was shocked to see Ichigo staring back at him from the bed, fully awake. A horrible mixture of emotions raged inside him as he pushed himself up out of the corner and threw the blanket from his long sprawled out legs. Unbelievable relief rushed through him at seeing that Ichigo was going to be alright, but at the same time he felt pain, spite, and resentment for the shinigami. Uryuu hadn't slept for the past 5 days while he'd been caring for Ichigo, desperately trying to keep him alive without having to involve real doctors and normal people- too many questions would be asked, it had to be kept a secret. But now as the Quincy saw Ichigo's continuously emotionless gaze anger flooded over his relief and replaced it with a sudden rage. A small smile of gratitude began to form on Ichigo's lips as Uryuu approached the bed but was wiped away when the back of the pale teen's hand struck Ichigo, hard, across the face.

"_You,_" Ishida seemed to radiate anger as he stared fiercely down at Ichigo, who was still taken aback by the sudden strike he'd recieved from the Quincy. Uryuu continued as the shinigami recovered, "You could have _died_. How could you let your guard down like that? How the _hell _could you let something like this happen? I... I thought you were _dead_. I thought... " Uryuu pressed his palm against his head as his thoughts all exploded from his mouth. "... I thought you were going to die and I... would have to watch... I would have to watch you... watch you DIE!"

"Uryuu... I-" Another surprisingly strong strike across his face ceased Ichigo's mumbles of apologies. Tears began to form in Uryuu's eyes as he dropped his head, slightly ashamed of the way he was acting toward Ichigo when he was so injured. The pale teen clenched his fist against the shinigami's bandaged chest, the loosely wrapped material showing the spots where his tears had fallen.

"Just what do you want from me Ichigo?... What do you _want_?" Uryuu's dark eyes looked up into the red-head's, begging for the answer, for the truth. Ichigo, however, surprised the Quincy with the smallest of smiles. Ishida didn't understand- he'd never seen Ichigo smile, ever. But as a bandaged hand was placed gently on the back of his head, Uryuu knew. He stood and quietly moved to the other side of the bed, carefully settling himself next to Ichigo, resting a thin arm across the other's damaged chest. Ichigo turned and pulled the back of Ishida's head towards his own, connecting their lips and kissing him passionately. A warm sense of appreciation flowed between them as the embrace continued on for what could have been a lifetime. Tears began to stream down Uryuu's face as his eyelids descended and he clung lightly to the back of the strong teen's head, not wanting to hurt him in any way by accident. As the need for air became apparent, they separated, but kept their foreheads connected to each other's. Ichigo's covered hand brushed away Ishida's tears as they looked into each other's eyes. Finally he got out what he'd wanted to say the entire time.

"I want you to.. forgive me. Please just forgive me." With that Uryuu's tears re-appeared as he leaned into the next kiss, which lasted, if possible, longer than the first.

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